Teenage stupidity available for mass consumption

I have been waiting (I guess) for something to post about- or for something to make me post.
Well, I guess I have something.
I became aware tonight that at the MTV Video Music Awards John Kerry's daughters were booed when they came on stage to encourage young people to vote.
I was already beginning to, for no reason, harbor ill feelings towards MTV; now I am actually pissed off at the people that have been watching MTV- specifically those at the VMAs.
I am also starting to believe, though it is insulting to me myself, that the youth of America is a bunch of blubbering idiots.
For some reason this whole thing pissed me off... a lot. You would imagine that most of the people at the VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS (those that previously dialed in and voted for Eminem because he is sooo cool) would be democratic.
I am led to believe that many of these teenagers are following blindly the politics that their parents have laid out for them.
(I have seen this before- my cousins; completely racist, because that is how they were raised.)
Because if any of these teenagers knew ANYTHING about politics (which I really don't) it is likely that they would realize that, if nothing else, the right for them to be able to listen to whatever music they choose, bad language or otherwise, is something that Kerry doesn't feel the need to put his political paws on.
Even if we bar out the concept that they could possibly have made a mistake in their ignorance, there is still the hard-core fact that it is COMPLETELY disrespectful and disgusting for them to treat young women (referring to the Kerry girls) like that.
Every girl that booed, I can't imagine that they realized what it would feel like to stand up there and be discriminated against because of WHO their father is. I don't think they realize what it would be like to stand up their and have people call out how they think you are shit, your family is shit.
And for boys, I am sure that they could better judge these girls on whether they are as hot as the Bush twins than if they are really politically adversaries.

I will get over it. I will read this post in a few weeks and go "oh shit. I over reacted again. Damn! Have to watch my temper." but for now I think the people that were at that award show are full of shit. Absolutely FULL of SHIT.

And that is really all I have to say for now.
Fucking idiots.

humor is the ultimate friend

You know what made me laugh tonight?

(truly and unexpectedly)

The screenname "IEatCottonBalls"

I thought it was really, genuinely funny. And it has restored my faith in mankind; there is hope that the world isn't bad.

That's all

Upon my return

Just a quick note this evening: I am back in California now, flew back today. The flight was uneventful...
the second I came on, one of the last people to scurry onto the plane before it left, I spilt my coffee all over the (empty) seat next to me.
Genius.
Other than that I read for the 3 hour duration of the trip; sucked into the sick world of Charles Bukowski.
---
The best thing(s) about being back... Towels that smell clean, N and D, my dog, my clean modern house, being able to write here without having a (complete) pity fest, internet access from home, dryer with knob instead of wrench, proximity to my support network.

The worst thing(s) ... the knowledge that I was completely unable to get my head out of my ass for a period of more than three days; doing so would have allowed me more time to be a good daughter, etc.; losing sight of what I was there for; not raking in more hours at work; lack of time/ability to make amends (or something) to Imbur (formerly LD) and her kids; leaving the cheesecake fudge (it was for my own good)

I'm sure those lists will grow- I haven't been back that long.
Well there is my short note for tonight. Now I am going to watch some TV, sleep, and have an open house tomorrow
Let's sell this fucker.

ready to move on,
K

Growing attached to your captors

Blah. I feel so blah.
I know I should catch a flight out of here in the next few days but I doubt that will happen. I have somehow convinced myself to stay until I get things right.
--
There was just a split second there when I thought about how great it would be to drink and take some Coricidin. I won't. I am kind of dissapointed in myself for thinking about it; some days it is hard for me to believe that I will go the rest of my life without ever drinking alcohol again.
Not at weddings, not on vacations, never.
One day at a time, right?
And I question how long I am going to be alive in the first place because, really, it could only be a few more years I have to go without drinking.
Yes, I sometimes think that it isn't fair. What other high do I have?
Trust me though; I am not stupid. If I wanted to get drunk I am positive that I could do so undetected, if I chose.
But I won't do that.
18 days until I have 9 months.
--
I am running out of clothes, out of meds, out of energy. Pretty much everyday I have a headache. I told myself 'be happy: for 12 hours, just for today, until you go to bed. Be a good girl.'
But I keep staying here, over 2 weeks now, because I feel... well, nevermind.
At least stay to go to Texas and see your cousins.
At least stay to help your father get his house ready to sell
At least stay to act like an adult
Oh, and stay to get your car and drive it cross country with your dad.
--
I am a different person here.
And I wish I could find the strength, somehow, to get over this petty shit that has been getting me down.
Obviously I am the only one responsible for taking care of me and making this a vacation. I feel guilty. This is the only the second trip here, in 3 years, that I have been sober. All the other times I have used in that house.
Sometimes I scream (or want to scream) at him for not being there for me, never coming out to visit me, hardly ever calling me; even when I was in rehab. I am pretty sure I talked to him twice when I was in rehab. And what do you say? 'thanks dad. Oh, don't worry; my stepfather is standing in for you since you couldnt make it.' ???
--
Truthfully, I have done pretty well the past 8 months of getting away from my past or from people that could damage my future. So this... this is a complete emotional relapse. Like I have forgotten everything I learned.
POOF.
What would Finess say? Rene? Mark? John? Rhonda?
Yes, of course I could call them.
My plan was to stay in that house until I figured out a way to deal with my life. Until I came back here, it worked.
Bla.
I don't consider this good writing. I am just wasting time, doing something.
--

3 most likely ways people I know would die in the next 5 months.

Dad: Me:
1. Car accident 1. Car accident
2. Heart attack 2. Freak accident (falls down stairs, etc)
3. Cancer relapse 3. Syphilis (hahaha, just kidding)

TGJ:
1. Freak accident (runs into wall)
2. Car accident (high probability)
3. Freak accident (he does some strange stuff)

Now that I have wasted a large amount of time on a piece of shit writing... I will be going now.

Buon Pomeriggio
-K